Don’t do what you know on a gut level to be the wrong thing to do. Don’t stay when you know you should go or go when you know you should stay. Don’t fight when you should hold steady or hold steady when you should fight. Don’t focus on the short-term fun instead of the long-term fall out. Don’t surrender all your joy for an idea you used to have about yourself that isn’t true anymore. Don’t seek joy at all costs.
I know it’s hard to know what to do when you have a conflicting set of emotions and desires, but it’s not as hard as we pretend it is. Saying it’s hard is ultimately a justification to do whatever seems like the easiest thing to do—have the affair, stay at that horrible job, end a friendship over a slight, keep loving someone who treats you terribly. I don’t think there’s a single dumbass thing I’ve done in my adult life that I didn’t know was a dumbass thing to do while I was doing it.
Even when I justified it to myself—as I did every damn time—the truest part of me knew I was doing the wrong thing. Always. As the years pass, I’m learning how to better trust my gut and not do the wrong thing, but every so often I get a harsh reminder that I’ve still got work to do.
– —Cheryl Strayed, Tiny Beautiful Things
Wrong shirt at Ocean Park
what you want preps an elementary doxy
for dogmatic chasing.
I’ve sold my hair, bowed to the brogue
of dreams and agreed as a mermaid
would to walk on knives.
Good dagger be good to me.
—Tory Dent, from “Ocean Park.”
“Amy was jealous of people who got married, even though she wasn’t sure she wanted to get married. It wasn’t the party or the presents or the patently unrealistic promise of eternal love she craved, not at all. Well, maybe it was the party, slightly. It was more—well, it was a lot of things. For one thing, people who got married seemed to be granted special exemption from the otherwise ironclad law that after you stopped being a child, you had to give up your belief in magic. The spells and talismans of marriage—the vows, the rings, the veil—retained their mythic power, over Amy at least. It was maddening. But she couldn’t stop herself from caring, from being curious and jealous and moved when she saw these symbols, no matter how much she agreed with the pundits who attacked the institution on pragmatic and feminist and philosophical grounds, and no matter how many novels she read about the inevitable end of love.”
Friendship, Emily Gould (via everythingiread)
lol I can’t believe I’m getting married next weekend. I mean obviously I’m not Amy but still.